How to Find Your Purpose in Life: 5 No B.S. Steps

For your life to have meaning, it must have a purpose.

But how do you find that purpose?

Too often you may have heard ‘follow your dreams’, or ‘do what makes you happy…’

This advice is stupid.

It is way too broad and undefined. Man get results from having boundaries from which to transcend, so you need to be more accurate in where your focus lays.

You need a tension to drive you, a goal that is deeply emotionally compelling and unique to you.

What is the Meaning of Life? 

The truth is that you cannot always be happy, and if you were, you’d just want something else anyway! That is man’s nature.

The key to finding your purpose is to be determined and deeply emotionally involved in a goal that frees you from the analysis of the mind.

When you’re engrossed in a movie, sports game, debate, conversation, or whatever else, that is where you want to be.

Not happy, but engrossed.

Below are 5 steps to guide you to that state in which you will already be acting out a purpose unique to you:

  1. Pull Your Soul Free from the Past

recovering man addiction recovery

You cannot fully engage with your purpose if your soul is stuck in events of the past. We are all moulded by events that have heavily influenced the way we look at the world, but who says they are correct?

To live out your purpose you need your deepest attention with you, not stuck in an event that happened in your childhood, or in an on-going fight with a family member or girlfriend.

So firstly, your purpose is to iron out whatever pain you’re holding onto from the past.

Ex-girlfriends, abusive fathers, high-school humiliation, whatever it is you must be prepared to face it down once and for all.

How you do this is dependent upon the magnitude of your internal pain.

If you feel your issues are relatively manageable, writing thoroughly about your past and exploring your feelings, then sharing them with a trusted friend will suffice.

Ensure you have a clear notion of how NOT to repeat past mistakes.

If you are facing heavy trauma, professional help should be sought to untangle yourself from the web of pain and destruction.

Until you are free to face reality as it is, you will be blocked from living in your purpose.

  1. Bear Your Cross

Whatever monsters you find in your past facing them will be an on-going personal duty.

Do this with pride and gratitude.

If you are resentful around your past, or what you must do to ensure a peaceful present, you will be blocked from taking the opportunities of today with open arms.

Every man has his faults, flaws and inadequacies.

Whatever yours may be, that is your cross to bear.

If you can accept this as your deal in life, you are ready for the universe to open up to you.

  1. Implement Your Personal Dialectic

recovery addiction recovering man

A dialectic is a model of thought present throughout philosophy which takes a proposition (life is good, for example) and counter-proposition naturally occurring from the original proposition (life is suffering) and finds a solution (life is balance) naturally occurring from both propositions.

The propositions are known as the thesis (the original point) and the antithesis (the opposite of that point) and the solution as the synthesis.

Dialectics underpin the structural makeup of Western thought, which therefore underpins your personal psychology, whether you are cognizant of that or not.

In the establishment of your purpose, you can hack this by implementing a personal dialectic specific to your life.

You must ensure it is authentic.

You must be certain the thesis and antithesis applies to your life so you can create a positive synthesis.

Here is an example of mine, which also embodies my life purpose:

Thesis: Life is painful; I cannot cope

Antithesis: Use intoxicants to cope (intoxicants lead to addiction and more pain)

Synthesis: Live a life of recovery that focuses on no intoxicants and mitigation of pain

Yours may be similar to this, or very different.

However, the structure is the same:

1: Thesis: Take the most powerful belief/experience you have about life

2: Antithesis: Explain how you’ve coped with that belief

3: Synthesis: Explain the solution to both that you live in now

It is okay if this takes you time.

Remember, once established, a personal dialectic is a foundation for your life.

It is in your interest to make sure it fits.

Once you do feel comfortable with your personal dialectic, you have an emotionally compelling cause in place.

  1. Embody Your Purpose

As a bitter, lost young boy, a common complaint was that there was no one to look up to.

I felt no one embodied the way I wanted to live.

As a man, I’ve learnt it’s my duty to embody that.

If you are looking around for someone to copy you will forever live in someone else’s shadow, not to mention eat away at the integrity of your own internal light.

It is your duty to live out the synthesis of your dialectic and embody what your purpose is.

For me, that entails a life of being positive in recovery, remembering where I’ve come from (my thesis and antithesis) and instead of assuming things won’t work out or that I am not good enough for x,y and z, allow life to tell me itself.

Whilst having mentors, influences and people to admire is a great thing, they can never embody your purpose for you.

Become a shining light.

If you desire something for your inner purpose to flourish become that thing.

It is a choice that is down to you.

  1. Channelling Your Purpose

It is now we can return to the generic areas of establishing purpose that people often confuse for a purpose in themselves.

Whether you are naturally good at teaching, writing, analyzing data, acting, public speaking, selling, buying, marketing, surveying, or whatever, these things are skills, not a purpose in themselves.

You should by now have established your purpose in the first four steps.

The fifth step is weighing up your unique purpose against your skillset.

For me, my purpose is in positive recovery from addiction and negative thought patterns about life, and my skill set is writing.

So how do I channel my purpose? With this website.

Again, mine is a specific example and yours may be very different.

The essence is in implementing your skills to bring your purpose into action in the world.

Read more: Man Psychology VS Boy Psychology – A Solution for Modern Men

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