The Mess of Modern Relationships – Should a Man Hook-Up, Marry or Go Solo?
It’s no secret that the dating and marriage landscape has changed massively over the last 10-20 years, prompting the question should men get married, embrace the single life, or go solo?
While many still grow up with the archetypal marriage dream, the modern sexual marketplace, gender politics and hook-up culture has thrown such a big spanner in the works some men are giving up on marriage, monogamy and even relationships themselves.
But how did we end up in this situation?
Throughout human history, if one thing was certain it was that men would chase women and – cross-culturally – they would conjoin together in marriage and eventually procreate.
Both the excesses of third-wave feminism and the breakdown of masculinity as a positive force of growth and guidance are legitimate, if over-simplified, answers to this riddle, yet in recent weeks a very clear example manifested showing exactly why this is such a fraught situation.
Self-described US conservative commentator Tomi Lahren recently went on a very angry and very telling outburst about the state of men today.
While there was some legitimacy to some of the things she said, such as men being trapped in an eternal adolescence, she went on to lambast men for failing to come up to her and her friends’ standards, consistently outlining the attributes she and her friends have, but offering very little with regard to what she can actually give.
Yet the key thing in this outburst wasn’t so much what she said, but who she is saying it.
Despite being a self-described conservative, a position of tradition and family values, in her outburst she sounded more like a modern-day feminist.
This tends to be quite typical of the world we live in today, where men receive conflicting messages all the time.
Mixed Messages Get Men Muddled
For instance, we hear a lot about how a modern man should be comfortable with a woman wearing the trousers, but then we also hear the phrase ‘where have the real men gone’ regularly too.
One of the most common complaints I hear from men is that they aren’t sure whether to take the lead in a relationship as that would wind up their woke girlfriend, but simultaneously they get friendzoned for being a nice guy and letting her take the lead.
I’ve written about the epidemic of nice guys before at length, and I believe this can be charted back to our lack of initiation that boys have in the world of men.
Men in their tens of millions today are raised in fatherless – or at least female dominated – homes before stepping out into the world to be schooled by females in the classrooms and inculcate concepts of caricatured masculinity from the media and other lost boys as they grow toward their twenties.
This tends to go two ways, men either embrace a caricature of masculinity as evidenced by the huge popularity of gangster rap music, or they become sheltered nice guys, hoping that by embodying the sardonic, fearful persona of a Chandler Bing some hot chick like Monica will eventually sleep with them.
Of course, in the real world this never happens, and one of the first lessons you learn in the dating game is that women tend to prefer confident, self-assured and successful men.
I’ve seen some folks look down on women for this and call them shallow, but they really shouldn’t it really only is evolutionary biology and it’s not women’s fault they have these preferences.
In fact, it was once these preferences that gave men direction in how to evolve and grow into eligible bachelors.
Men Date Across & Down, Women Date Across & Up
As the modern-day adage goes “men marry across and down social hierarchies, and women date across and up”.
This isn’t some fringe theory from the manosphere, it’s a social and cultural fact that even leftist outlets such as The Guardian and Vice are now acknowledging, and it’s quite simple, as more women get degrees and high-paying jobs, there simply aren’t enough high-status men to go around for these women to date.
Yet, this is an inconvenient truth of the female liberation movement, in which female success comes above everything – even a loving, long-term partner.
And while you can always find exceptions to this rule, it simply doesn’t work out perfectly for the majority of people.
This, in turn, drives the wheels of hook-up culture and atomised lifestyles, in which men and women seek that ever-illusive perfect partner, but settle for a few nights of passion in the eternal meantime.
Another bizarre feature of our present times is the quite vociferous mainstream drive towards sexual equality, while just beneath the surface, the exact opposite floods the media – and is bought predominantly by women, as Jordan Peterson has wryly pointed out in the video below:
Another strange modern phenomenon is the modern music industry.
Cardi B’s recent song ‘WAP’ is a track with extremely pornographic lyrics that reached the very top of the music charts for a generation of adolescents to imbibe as supposed female empowerment.
And what messages does this send to men, especially young impressionable men?
Muddled Masculinity & The Chaotic Feminine
It seems to me to be a cacophony of confused and often angry messages make it difficult for a man to know how to act in the modern world, especially if he has no elder male mentors to guide him.
It seems if men act in a forthright masculine manner they run the risk of being labelled toxic, yet if they don’t they run the risk of being irrelevant, friend-zoned and forgotten.
I think this explains why many young men are resorting to an online world of porn, video games and bachelorism.
Incidentally, so are many women, with 1 in 4 porn site visitors now being female, who are also prone to viewing harder-edged material, a scenario perhaps best explained by Jordan Peterson earlier.
Yet with the confusion, scarcity and fear lurking in the dating world, many men are losing the desire and drive to evolve as men that pursuing a mate has traditionally offered them
And in response to this, men in their millions have turned to a facsimile of self-evolution via gender dynamics by engaging in pick-up artistry.
Men spend billions each year learning how to hack natural female instincts to get laid and feel like a stud, yet this eventually leads men to the meaninglessness of hook-up culture, the inability to pair-bond long-term and a slew of other complications.
While it’d be easy to say men should just sort it out, get married and settle down, that isn’t the safe, simple option it once was either.
Modern Marriage for Men
For starters, you have to find a woman that’s actually willing to build a partnership and develop shared values that hasn’t been indoctrinated with modern intersectional theory to believe that men are the perpetrators of an oppressive power dynamic over women.
Then you have to see if you can both stay loyal for the long term in a world of temptation, and if you get past all of that, you have the looming reality of marriage stats looking at you.
Around 50% of marriages end in divorce today, with about the same number for infidelity, with many men also noting the often devastating disparities that exist if a marriage does breakdown (alimony, loss of children, etc).
This has led to the famously denigrated phenomenon of men actively leaving relationships and dating completely.
Men Going Solo
The most famous of these, known as MGTOW [pronounced Mig-tow], calls for men to detach completely from relationships, seeing them as just too risky and damaging.
While MGTOW gets a (sometimes deservedly) rough ride in the media, it’s unfair to characterise ALL the men in this movement as resentful crackpots or ‘pathetic weasels,’ as I believe Jordan Peterson once did.
I’ve watched a bit of their content myself and while there are some broken, angry and hateful men there that really need to do some inner work on themselves and come to love, not hate other people, there are also some guys who are just sick of being lied about and lied to and make perfectly rational, if a little poignant, arguments as to why they want to avoid marriage and relationships.
But is detaching from women completely really going to help men, our society and our species?
I personally think not.
The (Re)Union of Men & Women
As much as modern woke women crave supposed ‘liberation’ from men and men get wounded and confused by females, men and women fundamentally need each other.
We need each other physically, emotionally and most certainly, spiritually and I personally believe that’s an indelible fact of life.
In fact, the male-female union is the precursor of creation, and while we’re living through what Eckhart Tolle termed in one of my recent videos ‘a time of excessive Yin energy’ – that is, excessive feminine energy – which may cause cultural chaos for years to come, but eventually we will rebalance the energy poles.
I think the vital thing we must be mindful of when this happens is to not overcompensate with excessive Yang energy and restart the whole requirement for female liberation again in the first place.
So how you go about your future is of course your call, but it’s important men acknowledge the contemporary landscape before rushing into any important decisions.
Yet before retreating to a mancave, getting lost in the phoney world of pick-up or diving into marriage, I think it’s essential for men to have been on the journey of initiation.
This journey is what pulls our soul out of the inner lost boy energy that so many are trapped in today and towards the inner state of the physically, socially and spiritually awakened man.
If you’re interested in learning more, check out the link below: